


Second Guessing

by Raen_Le



Category: K-pop, Stray Kids (Band)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Author Is Sleep Deprived, Depression, Domestic Violence, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, Heavy Angst, How Do I Tag, I Don't Even Know, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, I'm Sorry, Insomnia, Lee Felix (Stray Kids) is a Sweetheart, M/M, Mental Health Issues, Mentioned Stray Kids Ensemble, Panic Attacks, Violence
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-06-30
Updated: 2019-10-14
Packaged: 2020-05-31 09:33:08
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 11
Words: 15,955
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19423258
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Raen_Le/pseuds/Raen_Le
Summary: There's no happy ending for Jeongin. At least, he thought there wasn't. Luckily his friends are there to remind him of the happiness that exsists in his life. And maybe get him through this toxic relationship he can't seem to escape.***"Ahaha, just messing with you Innie! You know I'd never be that possesive, right?""... Yeah""That's my Innie."'He says that like he's so proud of me or something. Never been possessive my ass,' Jeongin thought.





	1. Foreshadowing

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Welcome uhh people who came to read this! Please don't have high expectations (it's honestly crap)
> 
> Key:  
>  _Italics_ = Flashback  
>  _'Italics_ = Thoughts  
>  **Bold** = Important or harshly said

"Hey hyung, how much do you love me?"

"To the moon and back, Innie".

Satisfied, Jeongin smiled down at the older boy whose lap he was sat on. The cold, white glare of Hyunjin's phone screen was reflected in his dark eyes. Those dark, alluring eyes which had bewitched so many before him.

He buried his face into Hyunjin's neck, Hyunjin humming in approval. His hair being stroked by his boyfriend, Jeongin wondered when was the last time him and Hyunjin were able to lie peacefully together like this. With no distractions or disruptions. Times like this were rare with Hyunjin's constant photo shoots taking up most of his free time and boy, the older was not gonna miss any opportunities to gain fans through his countless magazine photo shoots. Their peaceful silence was disturbed by the chirping of Jeongin's notification tone, screen flashing in his pocket.

_Innie, be back at 7 ok? Woojin-Hyung is making dinner and we want to eat together with u ^^ // Tiny Hands Hyung_

Jeongin smiled. Lix is so adorable sometimes.  
"Sorry, Hyung, I've got to get back to the dorms. Apparently Felix hyung wants us to have dinner together".

The moment the last sentence left his lips Jeongin knew he had made a mistake. The room's atmosphere turned cold and he could feel Hyunjin's eyes burning into the back of his head.

"Who was that again?" 

Jeongin was mentally shooting himself. Hadn't he learnt from the times before? Hyunjin snatched his phone and was now glaring at the screen.

_'Here it comes-'_

"T-Tiny hands? You mean Yong-Bok? **Why the fuck** do you have such a disgusting nickname for a disgusting friend?"

"...You know he hates being called that, Hyung," Jeongin muttered under his breath.

"What was that?"

_'Shit-'_

An uncomfortable silence draped itself over their heads. Jeongin squirmed uncomfortably in the older's arms until finally, Hyunjin broke the silence.

"Ahaha, just messing with you Innie! You know I'd never be _that_ possesive, right?"

"... Yeah"

"That's my Innie."

 _'He says that like he's so proud of me or something. Never been possessive my ass,' Jeongin thought._

It hadn't always been like this. A few icy stabs from Hyunjin was normal. But it probably started just after the beginning of Hyunjin's last year at their school, SOPA, the Seoul School of Performing Arts. The stress had started building up on Hyunjin's shoulders after he'd got back from 2 photo shoots on the same day to abysmal test results and grades. Jeongin knew school was hard on him due to his busy schedule, but he wished the older would take his advice already and cut down on a few. But the last time Jeongin had mentioned it he'd arrived home with a swollen bruise the size of his fist on the side of his face, which was worse after the shitty atmosphere at dinner; Felix half panicking and the others staring at him with concern. It hasn't been brought up since. The younger wishes Hyunjin wouldn't take his anger out on him. It's slowly killing him inside.

_'Come to think of it, that was definitely the start of Hyunjin turning cold,' he wondered, 'What kind of foreshadowing is that?'_

"So, you going or what?" Hyunjin interrupted, " because I know if you want to stay someone here would really appreciate the company".

"Yeah... no, sorry, I need to get back. The others are gonna kill me."

"Aww, it was worth a shot. See you around, Innie."

Hyunjin beamed at him and winked. It was an old trick that Hyunjin had used to use to make Jeongin blush and giggle but Jeongin just stared at him blankly and said his goodbyes. The makeup artist entered the room as Jeongin walked out.

"Sorry, hope I wasn't interrupting anything. You ready?"

"Hmm? Oh, don't worry about it," Hyunjin put down his phone and smiled, "Now, you gonna 'make me up' or what?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh damn, that was uh, awful right? Sorry I'm not very good at this :')  
> I want to post a longer chapter, but I feel like this is a good time to end.  
> Yes, I'm aware I can't seem to stay in the same tense for some reason :'D  
> I'll try and update every week or so. Please look forward to it if you decide to stick around!


	2. Panic Attacks can go jump off a cliff

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> !!Trigger Warning!! Panic attack coming up (I promise I love you Jeongin)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I love writing group chat messages uwu  
> The *** just signal a time skip.
> 
> Group Chat names:  
> Chan = Kangaroo  
> Woojin = Mama  
> Changbin = Bean  
> Minho = Yandere // Meanho  
> Hyunjin = Boyfriend  
> Jisung = Squirreelll  
> Felix = Lix  
> Seungmin = Photo-sama  
> Jeongin = Bub

Jeongin arrived home to a slighty angry-looking Felix blocking the doorway of their shared apartment. 

"Now, want to tell me why you're 23.18 seconds late after I **specifically** specified you should be home by 7PM?" Felix questioned, head cocked to one side.

Jeongin sighed with a smile on his face. Of course Felix was overprotective.

_'Especially after what happened last time' Jeongin thought, 'Lucky they came for me before anything bad happened. I probably wouldn't have made it out alive if it weren't for them'_

Jeongin shuddered, his hands felt clammy and he broke out in a cold sweat. 

"Hey, hey, Innie, you ok?" Felix said, his expression filled with worry.

"Huh..? Yeah, I'm fine," Jeongin plastered a smile on his face.

"You sure? Because if you want I can-"

"No no, it's fine. It's nothing" 

"Ok then," Felix still looked worried, but smiled as well. "Now, let's have dinner! I forgot to tell you, Woojin made your favourite meal! He says that......."

Felix's voice started fading away, becoming distant. Everything suddenly started dissapearing from Jeongin's vision.

_'No, not now. Please god, not now'_

His stomach started knotting together. Jeongin could feel his legs giving way beneath him, until he fell, slumped on the hallway floor. His breaths started becomming short and panicked, vision clouding over. 

_He could see Hyunjin in front of him, fire blazing in his eyes. Jeongin was thrown like a rag doll, hitting the wall, knocking his breath out his chest. He could hear the footsteps approaching as he braced himself for the punch he knew was coming and-_

"Innie!"

A distant voice sounded from far away.

_'No, why now?' Jeongin panicked, 'Why can I see his face so cleary when I know he's not here?'_

"Innie! I need you to focus!"

Jeongin felt himself being hauled into someone's arms, but this time comforting.

"Focus on your breathing. Concentrate on the present."

His vision becoming clearer, Jeongin could just about make out a faint face above him. 

_'Here, someone is here. It's not Hyunjin anymore, it's ok now'_

GASP  
Jeongin started gasping air, his lungs throbbing with the sudden intake of oxygen.

"That's right Innie, focus. You're doing good."

His chest still heaving and back sweating, Jeongin slowly attempted to sit back up before collapsing into Felix again. Felix was staring at him, relief flooded his face but concern still lingering in his eyes. Jeongin was currently in the hallway, the light was on and _'damn that light is bright-'_

"Hey," Felix breathed, "You ok?"

Jeongin could only manage a small nod, body still heaving from the sudden panic attack.

"INNIE!" Woojin rushed into the hallway, panic evident on his face. "You-I- I'm sorry I was trying to prepare your dinner and the stove wasn't turning off and-"

"Hey Hyung, it's ok, I'm ok," Jeongin laughed weakly, "Everything's going to be ok."

Woojin sighed in relief. Jeongin was greatful his friends were always there for him, greatful that he could always rely on them. They were the sole reason for his happiness. And I guess Hyunjin too.

"Innie?"

"Hmm?" 

"Are you ok to have dinner now or ..?"

"Ye-Yeah! Let's go. We wouldn't want Woojin-hyung's cooking to get cold because of me, right?"

Jeongin cringed at the sound of his own voice - his bad attempt to pretend everything's ok resulted in him screaming _'How fucking pathetic'_ in the back of his head. Ahh, the good days before panic attacks.

"Ok, then. But don't blame me if you can't sleep tonight because we didn't rest before dinner."

"Hyung!" Jeongin exclaimed, "Everything'll be fine, I promise. Just a panic attack, nothing major. Besides, I never sleep anyway." The last part was whispered so quietly even Jeongin couldn't hear himself.

Felix and Woojin exchanged worried glances before walking into the kitchen, Jeongin facepalmed before trailing behind.

***

Jeongin collapsed on to his bed, sighing. 

_'Damn, I really messed up today. Why did god create panic attacks, anyway? What good do they do, apart from torture people like me?'_

The 18 year old laughed before switching his bedside lamp off and turning his phone on. He was immediately enveloped by the light from his phone and smiled as he saw 62 NEW MESSAGES from the group chat, 'Stray Kids', created by his best friend since Primary School, Chan. The time read 22:46.

========== STRAY KIDS ===========

62 NEW MESSAGES

\-------------------------- 19:41 -----------------------  


**Kangaroo:** Ok kids

 **Kangaroo:** We need to talk 

**Yandere:** Since when was I a kid?

 **Squirreelll:** hUH?

 **Squirreelll:** ARE YOU PREGGO OR SUMTH?

 **Mama:** ????!!!!!!!

 **Mama:** R u cheating on me???

 **Squirreelll:** Nah, Chan hyung doesn't have the guts or the looks to

 **Boyfriend:** OH MY GOD just let him talk already!

 **Lix:** ^

 **Photo-sama:** ^

 **Kangaroo:** Thanks guys

 **Kangaroo:** wait

 **Kangaroo:** Jisung you better take that back

 **Kangaroo:** Anyway, I was thinking what to do tomorrow

 **Squirreelll:** wha 

**Squirreelll:** That's it?

 **Kangaroo:** As a matter of fact, yes, Jisung, that's it

 **Squirreelll:** Slightly anti climatic, but ok

 **Squirreelll:** pls continue

 **Kangaroo:** So basically I have the day off tomorrow. Mr producer sama hasn't demanded new tracks so he said I could go have a day off

 **Photo-sama:** Wow, good considering how you had 3 tracks to produce last week. Glad you're off hyung

 **Kangaroo:** You and me both Minnie

 **Kangaroo:** So what do I do?

 **Yandere:** Why can't u decide urself?

 **Kangaroo:** Cus Meanho, I don't have a clue

 **Kangaroo:** When was the last time I had a day off?

 **Yandere:** ...

 **Kangaroo:** My thoughts exactly

 **Bean:** LMAO Meanho

_Bean changed Yandere's name to Meanho_

**Meanho:** Oh so I'm the bad guy now?

 **Bean:** I never said that

 **Meanho:** Yh but you implied it

 **Mama:** Kids! 

**Mama:** Let Chan speak

 **Kangaroo:** YEAH 

**Kangaroo:** PLS

 **Kangaroo:** So do you have any suggestions?

 **Photo-sama:** Sorry, I have a 10 page essay due day after tomorrow. Who knew someone would need to know so much about camera filters?

 **Boyfriend:** I have a photoshoot

 **Mama:** I'm shopping. Apparently we ran out of every household supply you desperately need but never really check the supply of

 **Bean:** I've got a date

 **Lix:** ?!

 **Bean:** With the bed I'm sleeping on. I've planned that tomorrow will be a day of streaming this youtuber that makes clay pokémon sculptures

 **Lix:** *sighs in relief*

 **Squirreelll:** GAY

 **Squirreelll:** N E way, I'm visiting a friend's house

 **Meanho:** First of all, make sure you and that person stay friends and nothing more.

 **Meanho:** Second of all, yall have vv good excuses don't you?

 **Meanho:** Vry sus if you ask me

 **Squirreelll:** ¿Qué? 

**Squirreelll:** What do you have to do tomorrow that's oh, so important that you can't possibly hang out with Channie Hyung?

 **Meanho:** ...

 **Squirreelll:** Exactly

 **Bean:** BUENO. Go get him Sung!

 **Meanho:** I have a dance class which lasts the entire day

 **Bean:** O h

 **Lix:** I'm gonna grind fornite for the next battlepass

 **Lix:** so no, I'm not free

 **Lix:** But I'm pretty sure Innie is free? I mean I hate to speak for him while he isn't here

 **Mama:** ???

 **Mama:** I thought I saw on his desk that he has a date with Hyunjin tomorrow?

 **Lix:** Woojin hyung! You're not meant to go into his room without his permission!

 **Mama:** Omg I'm not? 

**Mama:** Sorry for when you read this Jeonginnie

 **Lix:** Well done

 **Mama:** :(

 **Boyfriend:** No, I cancelled our date. I told him I had a photoshoot I can't miss

 **Boyfriend:** said it was fine tho

 **Photo-sama:** And you didn't say anything after that?

 **Boyfriend:** ?

 **Boyfriend:** Why would I?

 **Boyfriend:** He said it was ok

 **Photo-sama:** Yeah, but have you ever considered how cancelling your dates has made Innie feel?

 **Boyfriend:** ...

 **Boyfriend:** it's none of your buisness anyway

 **Kangaroo:** Woah guuuys

 **Kangaroo:** No fights here please. I'll ask Innie later whether he's got plans for tomorrow

 **Kangaroo:** Remember, this is a PG zone

 **Lix:** ^

 **Mama:** ^

Jeongin sighed. Hyunjin cancelling their dates didn't bother him tooo much. Ok, that was a lie.

_'Yeah, but it's not like I can do anything about it anyway. And I'm sure he feels bad about it,' Jeongin reassured himself._

He forced his eyes shut and drifted off into the world of dreams.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I tried my best to write how someone would experience a panic attack.  
> If you think I butchered it.. please let me know in the comments.  
> Next chapter coming soon! (I wrote them at the same time so)  
> I read over my chapters so much I can recite them off by heart lol.  
> Please leave comments with advice or just general reactions! :D
> 
> I feel like this fanfic escalated way too quickly after 1 chapter.


	3. Pancakes

When Jeongin opened his eyes again, it felt like he hadn't slept at all. Of course, he was right. When he checked his phone which was lying next to him on his pillow, he found out the time was 01:59.

_'Well, 3 hours isn't that bad. Besides, I've survived on 20 minutes before,' Jeongin thought to himself, 'Yeah, it's not that bad.'_

Jeongin sat up awkwardly and pawed around for his hoodie. He debated whether to try and get to sleep again, and after telling himself that he's never once been able to fall back asleep, he decided on reading over his schedule for the day. He grasped the thin piece of paper in his hands, eyes quickly scrolling over his timetable.

~~~ Jeongin's Sunday Schedule ~~~

7AM Make breakfast with Hyungs  
8AM ^  
9AM Do physics homework and study for maths test on Wednesday  
10AM ^  
11AM ^  
12PM Quickly eat lunch  
1PM ~~Date with Hyunjin. Set out at 13:30~~  
2PM ~~Date with Hyunjin~~  
3PM ~~Date with Hyunjin~~  
4PM ~~Date with Hyunjin~~  
5PM Free time  
6PM Help Woojin Hyung with dinner  
7PM Dinner Time  
8PM Have a shower  
9PM Free time  
10PM Try and sleep

His schedule was pretty much free since..  
Jeongin stroked over the lines of writing where he'd crossed out his date with Hyunjin. He sighed in dismay. 

_'Oh well. That means I have free time to spend doing-'_

Oh! He'd forgotten that Chan would've probably messaged him by now about meeting up. The latter had been so stressed lately, Jeongin wondered how he could try to get the older's mind off of work. Chan was a difficult one to distract. Usually Jeongin would just talk to Chan for hours on end to stop him stressing out, but these days he seemed distant every time Jeongin tried to bring up a new topic. 

Jeongin shuffled in to the kitchen tiredly, the tiles cold on his feet. He was the only one awake. Felix was most likely dreaming about god knows what and Woojin was a deep sleeper.

_'Unlike me,' Jeongin thought to himself bitterly._

He couldn't remember the last time he'd got more than 4 hours of sleep. Probably years ago. This insomnia was giving him never ending migranes and sleep deprivation.  
Life was great. This meant he couldn't concentrate very well at school, and he was 10x less motivated to do things other would consider fun. At least he somehow managed to scrape a pass in his exams.

_'Must be due to Woojin-Hyung's tutoring. He's, for some reason, such a Physics nerd.'_

Oh right. Jeongin was meant to check his phone for messages from Chan. He pulled his phone out of his pocket and sat down at their tiny dining table. The only light source was the glare coming from his phone. 20 NEW MESSAGES from the Stray Kids group chat greeted him. A wave of euphoria rushed over him.

========== STRAY KIDS ===========

20 NEW MESSAGES  
\------------- 01:45 --------------

 **Kangaroo:** Anyone awake?

 **Squirreelll:** As a matter of fact yes, thanks to the notification tone waking me up

 **Bean:** he's lying, he was already up

 **Squirreelll:** Whaat? Hyung how did u know?

 **Bean:** we live in the same house, sung

 **Squirreelll:** Oooh

 **Squirreelll:** yh

 **Bean:** you mean you forgot that you, Minho and I live together

 **Bean:** ^ ??

 **Squirreelll:** yeah but no

 **Squirreelll:** I always thought it was just me and Minho Hyung

 **Bean:** no wonder there's always only 2 sets of cutlery laid out on the table at dinner

 **Kangaroo:** Well 

**Kangaroo:** that's interesting 

**Kangaroo:** I know you're resting today Changbin so it's fine you're up this late. But Jisung, I thought you were meeting a friend? 

****

****

**Squirreelll:** Yeah, but that's in the afternoon. I can sleep in late

 **Kangaroo:** Fair enough. Have any of you seen Jeongin?

 **Squirreelll:** Uhm, Hyung, this is a group chat. The whole point of it is that you can message people you can't see irl, so no, I haven't seen Innie

 **Kangaroo:** woops sorry, I meant heard from Jeongin

 **Bean:** nope 

**Squirreelll:** Me neither

 **Kangaroo:** Oh that's alright then. That means he's sleeping

Lmao no. Jeongin's insomnia always got the better of him.

 **Bub:** hi, no I'm awake

 **Squirreelll:** INNIE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 **Bean:** oh, he's awake

 **Kangaroo:** ASODHHOQIWNWE Innie we were just talking about you

 **Bean:** no shit sherlock

 **Kangaroo:** Hey, watch your language. There are children here

 **Bub:** i'm 18, Hyung

 **Kangaroo:** yeah but

 **Kangaroo:** actually nvm

 **Kangaroo:** Anyway I was wondering whether you'd like to hang out tomorrow Innie? 

**Kangaroo:** Just you and me

 **Squirreelll:** HmmmMMMM whAt's WIth thIs suDDen pROpoSal

 **Bean:** shut up jisung, you knew he was gonna ask innie anyway

 **Squirreelll:** OH reALLy nOW

 **Bub:** sounds good ^^ I don't really have anything else to do

Jeongin facepalmed before continuing.

 **Bub:** so, what are you thinking of doing?

 **Kangaroo:** Hmm, maybe just go to our favourite cafe in town. Then hit the arcade? If you get bored we can buy some snacks and eat in the park

 **Bub:** alright :) looking forward to it. i origionally planned to meet Hyunjin at 2 so are you ok with 2?

 **Kangaroo:** Yeah that's great, actually. I'll just find something to do in the morning

 **Kangaroo:** Hold on

 **Bub:** ?

 **Kangaroo:** The time is 01:53 Why are you awake rn?

 **Bub:** oh I just woke up haha

 **Kangaroo:** Please don't tell me you're planning on staying up for the rest of the night

 **Bub:** what?

 **Bub:** nah

 **Bub:** i was just trying to get back to sleep before 

**Bub:** i'll be asleep before you know it!

 **Kangaroo:** Alright then. Sleep well Innie.

 **Bub:** thanks, Hyung, you too

 **Squirreelll:** NIGHT INNIE :) <3

 **Bean:** ^

Smiling, Jeongin turned off his phone, englufing him back in to darkness. He sat at the dining table wondering what to do now that he was fully awake. It felt like countless hours had passed until he was shaken back to conciousness by a worried looking Woojin who was in his pyjamas with messed up hair. Cute. 

"Yah! Do you have any idea of what time it is right now?" Woojin asked, his tone full of concern. 

"Hmm? Like 8 or something? I must have had a good sleep then."

"Innie. It's literally 6:31."

"Ah," was all Jeongin could murmur.

"You dissociated, didn't you? So that means since you started texting Chan on the group chat, you slept until around 01:50, and you fell asleep around 22:40 because you went to your room at that time, so that means.... 3 HOURS?!"

Jeongin just nodded and accepted the lecture that was going to come next.

"You even told Chan you were gonna try and get back to sleep again, but here I found you unconcious at the dining table. I need to tell Chan then -"

"NO!"

Woojin looked a little suprised by the youngest's sudden outburst, but his face relaxed.

"Why?" the older asked.

"Because if you tell Chan-Hyung, he'll cancel our meet up today. He'll instead tell me to sleep and then he'll be stuck by himself for another day and he'll just get stressed over his work again. You know how he is."

"But-"

"Hyung, I'll be fine, I promise," Jeongin reassured, "Look, let's just start making breakfast? I bet Lix-Hyung'll be hungry when he wakes up. He has like, the biggest appetite ever in the morning."

"Mm, alright," Woojin agreed.

They grabbed the ingredients out the cupboards and Woojin turned the stove on, then poured the batter on to the pan and watched as it bubbled. The smell of freshly baked pancakes was like heaven to Jeongin. After Woojin flipped over the first one and had made god knows how many more, Jeongin grabbed the plates and set them on the dining table. The golden syrup and nutella were placed in the middle. Perfect. Jeongin and Woojin collapsed in to the chairs and sighed in comfort. All that was left was to wake Felix up. Neither of them wanted to get up, but after a series of exchanged looks (incl. some puppy eyes from Woojin and a pout), Jeongin groaned and got up out of the rickety chair and made his way down the hallway to Felix's room, floorboards creaking loudly. He didn't have to go far before the aforementioned boy's door slammed open and a delirious Felix walked out of his room.

"Huh? Yeah Innie, you are cute," a groggy Felix muttered before shutting his door and suddenly collapsing in to the younger's arms, "So cute I want to cuddle. Yeah, cuddles would be good right about now."

Awww. Jeongin could feel his cheeks grow warm and before Felix had the chance to fall asleep again, he dragged Felix in to the kitchen and gently set him on to a chair. Jeongin smiled in satisfaction and sat down again. 

_'Felix-Hyung was heavier than usual. Had he been working out recently?' Jeongin thought to himself._

Nah, couldn't be. Felix was always stuck in front of the tv hammering away on the playstation. The gym was probably the last place you'd see him.

"Innie, you going to eat?" Woojin motioned for him to start eating, "Food's getting cold."

"Mm, yeah sorry what? Oh the pancakes," Jeongin grabbed a few and coated them in syrup despite being told countless times by Woojin that syrup was not good for his sugar levels. 

It was ignoring comments like this that made life fun. After taking a bite Jeongin could feel the heavenly taste of pancake and syrup spread across his tongue ; so blissful Jeongin nearly had a double take.

"So? How is it?" Woojin asked. He was always scared his cooking sucked for some reason, even though Felix and Jeongin reminded him that his cooking was amazing everyday, and if he didn't cook then surely they'd all have starved by now.

"Good," Felix deapaned.

"Gosh Felix, please put at least a little emotion in," Woojin said, worried his food was actually inedible.

Felix broke out in to a smile. A smile so bright that it could only be rivaled by the sun. Woojin laughed and Jeongin couldn't help giggling. Life was bearable at least.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hmm. I feel like this was an improvement from the last two shitty chapters. That doesn’t mean this chapter is any good, though.  
> At least Innie is getting through life ok with his friends :)  
> This was a cute chapter uwu  
> Some stuff is gonna happen in the next chapter - nothing major.  
> Although it’s only 3 chapters in I think waaay to much stuff has happened already oops.  
> Thank you for reading!


	4. Cafe Soi

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry I haven't updated in a while!  
> Have fun reading ~~

It finally hit 1PM. So far Jeongin was up to date with his schedule. Now, around 1 hour until his meetup with Chan. He grabbed the first edible thing he saw, an apple, and headed to his room, greeting Felix with a quick nod. He was, as always, lying sprawled out on the sofa with a playstation controller on his lap. Jeongin entered his room and shut the door with a bang. By accident, of course. A yell in reply came from the kitchen ; it sounded like Woojin. He yanked open his cupboard and stared at the few clothes hanging there.

_'Well, it's April, that means Spring, so going with a classic is never a bad thing,' Jeongin pondered while grabbing his pink jumper and black jeans, 'And a belt never hurt anyone, right?'_

Jeongin examined himself in the mirror, making sure his jumper was tucked in ever so slightly so that most of it was left hanging loosely. The things we do for fashion. 

_'Perfect,' Jeongin observed._

He pulled off the classic yet pretty boy look easily. The only thing left to do was cover up his dark circles. They'd been haunting him for years now. Again, something to blame his shitty sleep routine on. He grabbed some old concealer he'd had for god knows how many years and dabbed it on his dark circles. Not a perfect job, but enough to convince Chan he was sleeping well. He briefly glanced at his phone for the time. 13:30. On schedule.

"Hyungs! I'm leaving!" Jeongin yelled, pausing to wait for the conformation "YEET" from Felix, then left, shutting the door behind him.

He plugged his headphones into his phone and opened up Spotify, sighing when a sad ballad came on shuffle. He gazed up at the sky, wondering if him and and his friends were looking up at the same, endless blue ceiling. Staring up at the sky consumed all his anger, all his pain he was suffering from. In other words, the sky was his comfort. Not to mention that it absorbed rants much easier than his friends. Although he wasn't able to consult it at times unlike people, he could think things through with it, only to receive the same, emotionless blue glare every time.

Jeongin was feeling listless, so listless that he didn't notice when he bumped into someone.

"OUCH. Watch where you're going!" the stranger yelled. They were wearing a hoodie with drawstrings pulled up so tight Jeongin could barely see their face. 

"Hmm? What's with your staring? Wait.." the stranger loosened their hoodie. She looked around the same age as Jeongin, was wearing a cute white skirt and a snug hoodie with a mismatched irritated look on her face. The girl looked at Jeongin with wide eyes. "No. Fucking. Way."

Jeongin looked confused for a second. The girl suddenly broke out into a broad smile.

"You're so CUTE!" the stranger continued, "I'm Choi Kiyeon, and you are..?"

"Uh.. Yang Jeongin."

"Nice to meet you Jeongin-ah!"

_'Why's she being so informal?'_

An awkward silence passed over them. Jeongin fiddled with his belt, Kiyeon looking as if she was going to say something. Kiyeon playfully tapped him on the shoulder.

"Hey! I've got an idea! C'mon, lets go on a date! I know a really good ice-cream place down the street ; they sell the. best. ice cream there ever!" Kiyeon insisted, taking a hold of Jeongin's hand and tugging him along the road as if they'd known each other for ages (and definitely didn't just ram into each other unexpectedly).

"But, wait, I-I can't," Jeongin protested.

He couldn't go with Kiyeon : he had Chan waiting for him at the cafe. Besides, he had no idea who this 'Kiyeon' girl was anyway.

"Wow I didn't know you hated me already," laughed Kiyeon, "New record, by the way. People usually start hating me after at least an hour."

She seemed to have the idea that Jeongin was reluctant to go with her. Somehow Jeongin needed to convince her he had places to go, which was a bit hard whilst being dragged along the street

"Kiyeon-ssi!"

Kiyeon paused in her tracks, releasing Jeongin's hand.

"Yeah? Also you don't need to be so formal with me. We're literally friends now."

"Well, you see I'm meeting up with my friend, so," Jeongin looked down and fiddled with his belt, "I'm sorry, but just I can't hang out with you right now."

Kiyeon's face fell for a second, but a smile quickly resurfaced.

"That's alright! You don't have to come with me if you're not ready," the girl winked, "At least let me walk you to wherever you're heading."

"Uh... um ok," Jeongin agreed, exasperated, "I'm going to Cafe Soi, the one just past the bus stop."

"Oh, that really popular one, right? That's fine by me. Let's go!"

Kiyeon then proceeded to wrap her arm around Jeongin's waist. This was too much for the latter.

"Hey- Kiyeon I-"

"HEY!"

A shout suddenly came from a car which pulled up next to them. The window rolled down, revealing the one Jeongin didn't want to be caught by the most. He looked down guilty at his hands, trying to avoid all possible eye contact.

"Yah, Innie, what're you doing with this girl?"

Before Jeongin could answer, Kiyeon spoke for him.

"Hey!" Kiyeon introduced herself, a sunny smile on her face, "I'm Kiyeon! Jeongin and I just met and-"

"I didn't ask **you** ," Hyunjin snarled, tone cold.

Kiyeon looked shocked, fuming, her expression turning stormy and she looked as if she were about to explode.

"Look here, you-"

Jeongin had to intervene somehow, otherwise a full-scale verbal fight would erupt on the street in front of his eyes.

"Hey, Hyunjin, no need to worry about her," Jeongin laughed cautiously, "She's just someone I ran into. There's nothing going on between us in case you were wondering."

Kiyeon gaped at him in disbelief.

"You sure? Because this girl's looking very cosy with you."

"I'm sure. Honestly, Hyung, don't worry. We're nothing more than strangers."

Hyunjin's eyes narrowed.

"Alright then. But if this girl causes you any more trouble -"

"JEEZ, I get it! Leaving now," Kiyeon huffed, running off quickly in the other direction.

When she reached the end of the road she hollered "HAPPY?!" and turned the corner, leaving the others dumbfounded.

Jeongin breathed a sigh of relief. "Thanks, Hyung."

"No problem, Innie. Remember you're mine, not anyone elses, got it?" Hyunjin laughed firmly, his expression taut.

"Got it."

Cars behind honked in annoyance at the sudden hold up.

"Dumb traffic. Why can't they just-? Anyway, see you Innie."

Hyunjin rolled up the window and the car drove away.

_'That was a close call,' Jeongin grimaced, 'If Kiyeon had tried to force herself on me anymore, god knows what could've happened.'_

It was times like this that Hyunjin's possessiveness came in use. Jeongin shook his head, as if trying to expel of any lingering feelings. His main priority was Chan right now, and if he spent his time worrying about other things then he'd be in a shitty mood as well as the aforementioned boy (probably). He straightened his jeans and carried on walking to the cafe.

***

Jeongin arrived in the coffee shop, a small tinkle coming from the bell which rang whenever a customer entered or exited the cafe. He looked around, lost for a few seconds before he spotted Chan at a table, frantically waving him over. A smile grew on Jeongin's face as he walked towards the booth.

"Hey Innie! How are you doing? What're you gonna order? I've got an iced tea!!" Chan gushed excitedly.

"What's this? Chan hyung is actually saying something other than 'I have 10 songs to produce by next week kill me now' hmm?"

"Shuddap," Chan punched Jeongin playfully on the arm, "Now hurry, go get a drink. We have a LOT to catch up on."

Jeongin giggled and walked up to the counter, and after grabbing a strawberries 'n cream milkshake, sat back in the booth opposite Chan. The latter was literally bouncing on the seat like a little kid. This was rare. Most of the time the older's moods consisted of 'do not disturb', 'pissed off' and 'half conscious'. Jeongin was happy to see Chris in such a different mood today.

"So, hyung, why are you in such a good mood? Did something good happen?" Jeongin snickered. "Maybe with, oh, I don't know, Woojin hyung?"

Chan gasped, blushed and hid his face in his hands, "Innieee, you know we've been going out for ages. Besides, he...."

By now Jeongin was getting curious. "Well? Don't keep me waiting!"

"No, really it's.. it's nothing."

The older tried to hide his embarrassment by coughing excessively and straightening his posture. A simple habit, he had.

"Wait. Is this about the thing Woojin hyung mentioned the other day? Something about a promotion...?"

Chan's face lit up with glee.

"Yes! I got a new project from Producer-nim. He wants me to work on - wait wait wait, let me start again. You know that TV show, Pick Pick Boys?"

"Obviously."

"Well, Producer-nim wants me to compose the song for the final stage! If this goes well, I'll be recognised clear across the music industry! Innie, do you know what this  
means for me?"

"You- You'll become famous?"

"Not only that," Chan continued, "But I might get a chance to work with other artists in this industry! Producer-nim says he has his connections, and he believes I could even end up working with artists like ReoNa!"

"ReoNa? You mean that famous OST singer? Channie hyung, I'm so happy for you!" Innie beamed, a genuine smile on his face, "I almost don't believe it! Considering how you started off composing in the first place, anyway."

"I know right?" the older gloated, "I'm actually ecstatic right now, Innie. My hairs stand on end and my body feels electric every time I think about this."

"Hyung, I'm so, _so_ happy for you. This is fame that you've deserved for so long ; a pity your talent wasn't recognised a while ago."

"Yeah, but I'm still happy it ever happened at all. Have you checked the group chat yet?"

"No? Why?"

"Woojin posted the news on there a while ago."

"AH! I really wanna see how the others reacted! Wait, no, I can do that later. Anything else?"

"No, not really," Chris was still smiling from his news, "how about you Innie?"

Chan lowered his gaze, his posture rigid and the atmosphere suddenly changed drastically.

"Wha- oh you mean. Ahh," Jeongin nodded in understanding.

"So?"

"Well, he uhm," Jeongin cleared his throat, "He helped save me from this girl who was tryna hit on me on the way here."

"Oh? That's very noble of him."

"Yeah, but it was only because of his possessiveness. If he wasn't so protective then I don't think he would have cared."

"That's not true!" Chan protested, "He does love you, trust me Innie. He just has a really, really weird way of showing it."

"I know he does but," Jeongin added, "I just wish he was a little more sympathetic. With my current state of mind and everything."

"Oh, right. How is your mental issue recently?"

The words had barely left the older's lips but Jeongin already felt himself freeze in fear and it felt as if time stopped. People's spoke slowly as if sounding out each syllable although there was no sound. Teacups were set down at a leisure pace ; waiters walked as if in a trance. Jeongin hugged himself as if he wanted to squeeze all the air out of his lungs.

"Oi, Innie you ok?"

The world sped up again. Waiters carried on as normal, the faint chatter of customers around him flooded into his ears and he could hear the clink of cups as they were set down on their saucers.

"Yeah, I'm alright," Jeongin breathed, "I've been better. But that's normal."

The younger grimaced. This was the last thing he wanted to discuss.

"Alright," Chan's voice lowered to an almost whisper. " **He** hasn't done anything recently right?"

"No, not really. Although sometimes it's like I can see his face and have, well, minor attacks. Although Felix and Woojin hyung are always there for me."

Jeongin paused.

"Hey, hyung, could we talk about this later? I kind of want to forget about that right now."

"Ok, then. Just checking up to see if you're ok. Call or text me if you want someone to talk to, ok? I'm always here for you Innie."

The last sentence made Jeongin remember that he was surrounded by such supportive friends. It made him feel unworthy of his friendship since he couldn't really give anything in return apart from his fucked up state of mind.

"Yeah, thanks hyung."

Standing up, Chris clambered out of the booth and offered a small smile to Jeongin.

"Now, how about we get some snacks to have in the park?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alrighty. I'll probably end Jeongin and Chan's meetup here. We'll just timeskip or something.  
> Sorry for not updating in a while (although I don't think anyone cares ahaha)  
> The summer holidays have come! I'll have more time to write.  
> Please leave comments! Thank you!


	5. Deer in headlights

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'll be on holiday next week so don't expect another chapter anytime soon (sorry!)  
> Here's one to cure your boredom.  
> Also I accidentally deleted the original chapter :o Luckily I remembered most of it but this is a b-tech version. Sorry about that :(

"See you later Innie!"

Jeongin smiled and waved until he saw the older turn the corner, blonde hair and all. His meetup with Chan had improved his mood massively.

_'Must be something about him,' Jeongin thought to himself._

Jeongin and Chan had been friends ever since primary school. Chan had found him alone at the back of the field after some kids had driven him away from their 'intense' football match. Ever since then the two had been inseparable. They hung out with each other, gave each other advice, went around each other's houses. The typical things best friends do. Not to mention that Jeongin's mum absolutely adored Chris.

_"He's such a sweetie, honestly, Jeongin," his mum had mentioned after Chan had left, "I hope you grow up to be like him. You must be so grateful to have someone as admirable as him in your life."_

_"Of course, mum."_

_"You better be."_

Jeongin grinned and thought about how lucky he was to have the older in his life. Without friends like Chan he would have surely joined a cult or something by now. Or be dead in a ditch somewhere after suffering - god forbid - another panic attack. He just wished he could return the favour somehow.

***

Jeongin was in such a good mood he was practically skipping home. The weather seemed to reflect his mood, too. The sun was beaming down at him, rays hot since Jeongin was wearing his jumper but he didn't care. If sitting alone at the dining table was rock bottom, Jeongin was up in the clouds. Little did he know his happiness would be disrupted by something, no, more like someone.

"OMG! Is that Jeongin?"

Jeongin heard his name being called and turned around to see who was calling him.

_'Fuck.'_

The girl pounded up the street towards him, threw herself on top of him knocking the wind out of his chest ; so hard Jeongin could barely stay upright. She hugged him as if they were best friends and mussed up his hair. Jeongin cursed silently and braced himself.

"Ahaha, Kiyeon, is that you?" he laughed weakly.

"Wait."

Kiyeon stood with her hands on her hips.

"You remember me?"

"Uh, yeah..? We met only like 5 hours ago. Besides," Jeongin muttered the last bit inaudibly, "you're not very difficult to forget."

Kiyeon grinned from eye to eye.

"Ahhhh, I'm so happy that I ran into you again!"

"Why? I thought you wouldn't approach me after what happened earlier."

Taken aback, Kiyeon almost collapsed onto the floor, laughing so hard her sides hurt. She wiped tears from her eyes and used Jeongin as a support beam to stop herself from literally lying on the street.

"Wait wait, you," Kiyeon heaved, almost dead from her little fit, "you - well frankly I can't blame you but - you, you- omigosh."

By now Jeongin was getting pissed.

"What?"

"You, ahhhhhhhhh," she simpered, "You really thought I would be scared off by that little **bitch** from earlier?"

_'What did she just say?'_

Suddenly Jeongin filled with rage. Sure, Hyunjin was a bit, er, weird sometimes but that gave her no right to call him a bitch. Jeongin crouched and faced her with a look of disgust in his eyes.

"What did you call him?" he said slowly.

"A _bitch_. B I T C H. You know?"

_'Seriously,' Jeongin sighed and put his head in his hands, 'This girl has no dignity."_

"Hey, Kiyeon, I think-"

Jeongin was interrupted by a few shouts that errupted from down the street. A crowd of girls and boys, who looked around the same age as the two, approached them, the sounds of the conversations getting louder as they came closer. They stopped in front of them, glancing down at Kiyeon with hatred and hostility.

"Yo, Kiyeon, finally got yourself a boyfriend huh?"

"And he's not bad looking either!"

"Jeez, what's she gonna do next?"

"Never knew you had it in you."

Kiyeon sighed, exasperated, but turned around, plastering a fake smile on her face.

"Yeah, isn't he a cutie?" Kiyeon crooned, gripping Jeongin's sleeve tightly in both hands. She looked so uncomfortable Jeongin couldn't help feeling sorry for her.

"Sure is."

A burly looking guy wearing an ill-fitting padded jacket and black cap pushed his way through the crowd to the front, squatted down to where Kiyeon was sitting on the street next to Jeongin and sneered at her.

"Well, now you've seen it all folks."

The guy jerked up Kiyeon's chin roughly, shoved her back into Jeongin and spun around to address his entourage.

"Kiyeon finally got herself a boyfriend! What a surprise, with her stupid face and everything."

The crowd jeered in response before they turned and left. The two watched them until they disappeared from their sight. Jeongin took a quick glance down at the girl. She was chewing her lip anxiously and her eyes brimmed with tears. He felt a wave of protectiveness surround him and he felt as if he needed to protect this girl. He slowly reached down and took her hand which was shaking like a leaf. Kiyeon looked up at him greatfully, and as if she remembered where she was, pulled herself off the ground, blinking away any lingering tears.

"Who were those people?" Jeongin asked softly, genuine concern in his eyes.

"Uhm...." Kiyeon replied in discomfort. She was as pale as a sheet and looked as if she could pass out any time now. Jeognin, not wanting to put her through any more misery, tried to change the subject.

"Doesn't matter," he added hurriedly, "Why did you want to see me again?"

Kiyeon smiled cautiously and picked up where she left off.

"Well, I wanted to take you on a date! Which is what I _was_ gonna ask you before we were," she chewed her lip in annoyance, " **interrupted**."

By now Jeongin was willing to take her anywhere if it was to make her happy.

"Sure! Where do you want to go?"

Kiyeon's face lit up in delight. She grinned at Jeongin as if he was some sort of angel.

"The arcade! Besides, isn't that where all couples go on dates? C'mon, I know the way!"

Jeongin laughed and let her pull him along the street. He didn't really think anything of it, since his heart was set on Hyunjin anyway.

***

POW POW POW

The guns rattled as the zombies fell around them. Jeongin glanced briefly at Kiyeon next to him. She seemed to have recovered from their encounter earlier. She was laughing with amusement at the game they were playing together. Jeongin couldn't help but chuckle at her over enthusiasm for the arcade. Suddenly, Kiyeon shrieked as a zombie threw itself at her on the screen. The words "GAME OVER" flickered onto the machine as Kiyeon sighed in annoyance.

"Again, again!"

"No, Kiyeon," Jeongin laughed, "We'll just lose again. Let's play something different, alright?"

Kiyeon put her gun down reluctantly, but smiled and dragged Jeongin towards a puck table.

"Ok, whatever. Let's play this, then! PVP games beat co-operatives any day."

Jeongin grinned and grabbed the neon green pusher which was sitting at the corner of the table. At the other end Kiyeon did the same.

"Ready?"

"As I'll ever be."

The table whirred and a puck was spat out of Kiyeon's goal. She laughed in delight, mustered all her strength and sent the puck flying, only for it to land directly in Jeongin's goal.

"GOAAAAAAAAAAAAAAL!"

"Wha- how did you?"

"I've been practicing," Kiyeon smirked before bending down into position, "Get ready to be obliterated, Yang Jeongin!"

"The game's only just started, Choi Kiyeon," Jeongin taunted, but got serious too. 

_'Huh?'_

Out of the corner of his eye Jeongin spotted Hyunjin and his group of friends, leaning casually on the basketball machines on the other side of the arcade. Sensing Jeongin's sudden concern, she followed his gaze to the guy who'd tried to scare her off earlier.

_'Ah.'_

Jeongin let out a shallow breath. He really, really didn't want to see Hyunjin right now. If he got caught with Kiyeon, he might not even see tomorrow.

_'Oh god, please protect me,' Jeongin prayed._

It wouldn't matter that much if he was hanging out with a random girl. But Hyunjin had protected him from this girl earlier and made it so that he wouldn't see her again. But Jeongin had gone against his orders. Last time that had happened Jeongin had been beaten up so bad he couldn't even attend school the next day. And when Felix had arrived home that day he was the centre of attention that entire evening. Therefore he couldn't get caught with Kiyeon no matter what. Jeongin grimaced. 

"Hey, uh, Kiyeon, could we leave? Like, right now?"

"Sure," Kiyeon whispered, knowing the boy was probably freaking out right now.

The two set down their pushers carefully and tried sneaking out the arcade without attracting any unwanted attention. At the other side of the arcade Hyunjin sensed something different about the two at the puck machines. He suddenly stopped mid conversation. His friends heard him pause and tried to get his attention again.

"Jin, hey Jin?"

"You ok there buddy?"

Hyunjin ignored their voices and squinted to see who the two were. 

_'No, that couldn't be Jeongin right?'_

He got up slowly off the machine and started walking towards them. Jeongin turned his head to see if Hyunjin had noticed and, like a deer in headlights, froze for a couple seconds, before whispering to Kiyeon and quickened his pace. Hyunjin's friends tried again.

"Hyunjin, are you ok?"

Hyunjin let out a small growl.

"Give me one second."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Uhh so I decided to update now since I'm on holiday next week so idrk if I'll get time to update again.  
> Sorry this chapter isn't very long. It's mostly made up of speech...  
> Something major is gonna happen in the next chapter ;))) brace yourselves.  
> I feel like this story doesn't flow very well - sorry about that.  
> Please leave comments! Thank you for reading!
> 
> Also I've been so obsessed with Day6's new comeback, Time of our life! Go listen to it!!!


	6. Choking

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> !! TW !! Mentions of violence and choking/suffocating. Do not read if you cannot handle it!

Jeongin knew Hyunjin had probably noticed his attempt to escape by now, but he just wanted to check to be sure. So he turned around, only to see the older stalking towards them, eyes narrowed and fists clenched. 

_'Shit shit shit shit-'_

When they made eye contact Jeongin cursed. Why he looked back, he had no idea. He should have just walked out of the arcade normally instead of giving himself away. Why was he so stupid?

"JEONGIN."

Jeongin stopped in his tracks and turned back around slowly, only to face a fuming Hyunjin who looked as if he was going to explode.

"Just what do you think you're doing?"

"Uhm, I-" Jeongin stammered.

He gripped his jumper so hard he could feel the seams starting to rip.

"Well?"

Jeongin took a deep breath before continuing.

"I- I just came here to have hang out. I didn't know _you'd_ be here."

"And how god-damn lucky it is that I _am_ here," Hyunjin replied.

Jeongin tried to laugh awkwardly before mentally cringing in the back of his head. They were both standing in the middle of the arcade, as if in a showdown, the other people there as an audience. Jeongin cooled his composure and tried again.

"Hey, hyung, let's just head back, ok? Besides, I was just here to have fun. Nothing's really going on."

"Listen, Innie," Hyunjin sighed heavily, "I don't care that you're here. In fact, I'm here becuase my photoshoot ended early and I wanted to hang out with my friends. But that's not the point. The point is: why are you here with _this_ brat? Even after I warned you just today that you shouldn't see her again."

Around him, Jeongin could see Hyunjin's friends slowly leave the arcade. Other people were frozen in fear. The only sound came from Hyunjin talking and the music playing from the speakers above.

"I- I just- she."

Kiyeon eyed him cautiously.

"Hey, Jeongin, I'm gonna leave you two to it, ok? Just give me a call if you want to hang out again."

Jeongin nodded and felt the note with her number in his pocket she had given him earlier. Hyunjin looked between them angrily as if he suspected they had something going on.

"Ok," Jeongin stared back at his boyfriend and continued in a confident tone. "Hyung, we're just friends. I helped her today with something and she suggested we should hang out. She's actually really nice-"

"I. Don't. Care," Hyunjin glowered, "All I care about is the fact that you ignored my warning and went behind my back without me knowing. And for that, I'll have to punish you. But first," he paused, shooting a threatening glare at Kiyeon, "I'll deal with _her_."

"Don't you dare."

Hyunjin looked at the younger, suprised at the fact that Jeongin had the guts to defy him.

"You think you're big stuff huh?"

Hyunjin glanced at Kiyeon and motioned for her to leave. She nodded vividly and dashed out of the arcade, giving Jeongin's hand a comforting squeeze before leaving.

"You want to protect your friend so much," Hyunjin fixed his eyes back on Jeongin defiantly, "so, what do we do with you?"

***

Black. All Jeongin could see was black. He could also hear cries of pain and screams around him. He lay there, trying to block them out before realising they were his. Tightly squeezing his eyes, Jeongin accepted the heavy hits which were being inflicted upon his body. 

A while ago Hyunjin had dragged him to this small, closed off alleyway next to the arcade. It was cold, damp and narrow. Light slipped in through the buildings above, broken bottles littered the floor. Bins were overflowing ; they looked as if they hadn't been emptied for centuries. Jeongin could only close his eyes and hope to escape when everything was over.

_"I can't believe you, seriously. I never thought for one minute that you, Innie, of all people, would do this to me. You abandoned my trust and left me like this. You have no idea what I'm going through, and you just had to add to my pain, didn't you? You monster."_

"Why, Innie."

Jeongin lifted his head and looked up at Hyunjin. The older glared back down at him, expression filles with disdain and resent. Jeongin had never felt more worthless.

_"You left me like this."_

_"Add to my pain."_

_"You monster."_

Jeongin tried to ignore the voices but with little success. The words kept circling in his brain, again and again. The worst part was that there was nothing he could do.

Punch after punch, blow after blow. All Jeongin had to do was endure it all. He could only hope for when it was over, when he could head back to his dorm.

But then again, would his friends want a beaten up mess at their door stop? Probably not. So, turns out, Jeongin had nowhere to go. No one wanted him, there was no one he could turn to. His life was a mess.

Suddenly, the beating ceased. He could feel his body throbbing with pain but no more was inflicted upon him. Astonished, Jeongin opened his eyes again and looked at Hyunjin with shock.

_"Is it already over?"_

"You're probably thinking," Hyunjin spoke gravely, "It's already over."

Jeongin cringed and rolled back around so he wasn't facing Hyunjin.

"I never intended to do this, Innie," the older continued, "but that's because I didn't know you'd betray me like this."

"But I didn't-"

Jeongin gasped with pain, letting out a half-stifled yell as another blow was dealt to his chest. His ribs felt like they were about to snap and his back, well, that was definitely crippled.

"YES YOU FUCKING DID," Hyunjin yelled, grabbing Jeongin's head and yanking it so they faced each other.

**"YOU BETRAYED ME, JEONGIN. YOU DID THIS TO ME."**

Hyunjin took a deep breath and calmed his demeanour. Then he spoke with a composed voice, though his eyes shook with rage.

"I hope you've learnt something from this. Because this is what's gonna happen if you try something like this again."

_'There won't be a next time,' Jeongin thought to himself._

Not after what happened today. Definitely not. God forbid the next time Jeongin tries something like this again. And if it does happen, well, who knows whether he'll survive this first.

Suddenly, Hyunjin grabbed Jeongin by the throat and shoved him against the wall so he was dangling mid-air.

"Hnnnn!"

Then he started choking, breaths growing rapid as he gasped for air. Hyunjin's eyes were filled with emptiness and fury as Jeongin's lungs burned with pain. His mind grew hazy and he couldn't escape ; his body was limp from earlier.

"You didn't learn anything, did you?" Hyunjin snarled, hands tightening around Jeongin's neck. The younger clawed his fingers at Hyunjin's hands and used what air he had left for a final attempt to scream for help.

"Shut up!" Hyunjin looked towards the entrance of the alleyway to see if anyone had heard.

When no appeared he turned back to Jeongin, and broke into a ridiculous laugh, throwing his head back and grinning like an idiot. Jeongin could feel his vision clouding over as his surroundings disappeared from his sight. He could feel life itself slipping away.

_'Hope, what a stupid thing to believe in,' Jeongin thought, 'for me, there is no better tomorrow.'_

Then something miraculous happened. He could hear loud footsteps running towards him and he guessed someone must have noticed his cry from earlier.

"Help, me," Jeongin managed to somehow croak, before Hyunjin let go and the younger dropped to the floor like a rag doll. The footsteps grew louder as the people came closer to their location.

"Damn people," Hyunjin growled before breaking out into a sprint. "Don't they know curiousity killed the cat? Anyway, hope you learnt your lesson, Jeongin."

And with that, he was gone. Shaken from what had just happened, Jeongin tried focusing on breathing. Small, ragged gasps escaped his throat as he looked towards the entrance of the alleyway. 

_'Is that..?'_

"JEONGIN!" 

Jeongin could just about make out 3 people running towards him. Chan, Felix and Kiyeon.

"Thank God," Jeongin breathed, before he finally collapsed, unconious, on the cold, stone ground.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well,, that was a doozy.  
> Damn this took me long to write.  
> I was on holiday so sorry for the slow upload!  
> I was originally gonna end differently but I'll save that for later (no, Jeongin wasn't gonna die).  
> Sorry for the amount of violence :/ but this was surprisingly fun to write. Also sorry if there are any typos.  
> Feel free to leave comments and thanks for reading!!


	7. I guess they'll never know

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> !! TW !! Yet another panic attack (sorry)

Bright white light. Staring him in the face. That's all Jeongin could see when he woke up.

_'Where the hell am I?_

Jeongin had woken up in unfamiliar surroundings. With squinted eyes, the boy took a quick survey of the room he was currently in. The bed made a squeaking noise as he shuffled in it, turning his head from side to side so he could see what was around him. The pure white walls, the metal framed bed, heck, even the smell of the room was foreign to him. It didn't take long for Jeongin to realize he was in a hospital.

_'Well, that's great,' Jeongin grunted, 'Woken up in a hospital bed, but why?'_

His thoughts were interrupted by a sharp knock on the door, shortly after which the door opened and a lady dressed in a nurse's uniform walked in briskly. She looked around late twenties, wore a meek expression on her face and walked with lack of determination. 

"You're awake," the nurse smiled, "that's good, yes yes, good."

"Excuse me, ma'am," Jeongin cautioned, "do you mind telling me why I'm here?"

"Huh?"

The lady looked at him, suprised, before smiling softly.

"You don't remember anything?" she asked gently.

"No, ma'am."

"Ahhh."

The nurse nodded in understanding and glanced back at him, a serious expression now on her face.

"You fell unconscious a few hours ago. Your friends found you in an alleyway by yourself, and took you to this hospital. You've been sleeping since."

_'Unconcious...?'_

Then it hit him. The cruelty he'd suffered earlier came flooding back to him. Suddenly, Jeongin started shaking violently, hands started getting clammy. Pulse picked up speed. He couldn't move, but he could hear his heart pounding in his ears. Ddun, ddunn, ddun. Like the sound of a drum. Panicked, Jeongin looked down at his hands, which were now shaking uncontrollably. He looked back up at the nurse, only to see her stricken, staring at him in fear. Jeongin squeezed his eyes shut tightly, hoping this would soon end.

_'Again,' Jeongin grimaced, 'again, it happened again. God, someone, help me.'_

Then Jeongin felt cold, bony hands on his. They gripped him tightly, but not in the comforting way. As if they were scared themselves. Obviously, this was no help. 

"Hey, Jeongin, I need you to stop panicking, ok?"

Jeongin could hear the nurse's nervous voice call him, but it did nothing to help. In fact, it made the situation worse. As if this nurse could be any more useless.

"Jeongin, please calm down. Oh god, what do I do?!"

_'Why are you not helping me?!' Jeongin yelled in his head, 'I'm scared, someone help!'_

"Chan," he croaked, "Chan, Felix, anyone, help me."

"Ch- Chan?" the nurse stammered. 

She sounded almost as panicked as Jeongin himself.

"Chan- my friend- I need....."

"Oh my god."

Jeongin felt his hands be released and heard someone, he guessed the nurse, rush out the door. 

_'Fuck,' Jeongin choked, 'I'm alone. Again.'_

His breaths became short and his body shook with fear ; he was alone. Alone in this stupid hospital bed, having a panic attack. No one was here to save him.

"WHAT?!"

He suddenly heard an alarmed shout from outside the room, clattering of a chair as it dropped to the floor and a din of footsteps. BANG. The door was slammed open, and he heard some people stumble into the room.

_'Finally-'_

"Jeongin! Baby, please, you have to listen to me."

He felt his cheek being caressed with one hand, his shaking hands being held by the other.

"Who- who are you?"

"Me, Chan, Chris, it's me, please baby, you're safe."

He could hear the older's voice get caught in his throat - he was obviously shaken right now. The younger felt for him, he didn't want to put Chris through anymore torment. He couldn't believe _he'd_ thought to ask _them_ for help. Him, of all people, just had to drag his friends down with him. Every time. Regretting his cry earlier for help, Jeongin begged with a heartbroken voice.

"Chan, Hyung, please- leave."

Just then, he felt the grip on his hand tighten as they were clutched shakily with both hands.

"I'm not leaving you."

_'What have I done?' Jeongin faltered, 'I don't want this anymore. I don't want to have to constantly bring my friends into my mess.'_

"Chan- Hyung- I-"

He started choking, lungs closing up on their own accord. His head felt like it was going to burst, chest heaved with pain, only a few ragged breathes escaped his chest. It felt like the whole world was about to come crashing down on him.

"Jeongin!"

_'Wha?'_

His hands were now being held by someone else, some small, very soft hands that didn't let go.

"Felix- I-"

"Jeongin," he could hear his calm, steady voice trying to comfort him, "you have to breathe! C'mon, breathe in for 4 seconds, then let it out slowly for another 4."

Jeongin tried his best to gasp for air but his lungs seemed to fail him.

"I- Felix I can't."

"Yes you can!" now Chan yelled, and as if he had total faith in him, stroked his hair gently, "Innie, I know you can."

"He's right," Felix continued, "I know you have it in you, Innie. Breathe. There's nothing to be scared of. You're safe now."

Breathe in, breathe out. Breathe in, breathe out. These words ran through the youngest's head, again and again. After constant encouragement and "you got this, Innie," Jeongin finally started to feel himself calm down. His breathes started becoming steady, his pulse slowing down. Breathe in, breathe out. Repeat. 3 minutes passed until Jeongin finally opened his eyes. He wasn't prepared for the flash of light which greeted him back into the hospital, or the 2 worried faces which stared at him, expressions clouded with concern. Chan was the first to speak.

"Oh my god, Innie," he said shakily, head collapsing onto Jeongin's bed, "I'm so glad you're ok. I'm sorry we couldn't get here earlier."

Felix hummed in agreement.

"You guys..."

Jeongin suddenly felt a wave of grief wash over him and he started.. crying. His cried uncontrollably, body shaking with each sob as he sat there, weeping. Then Chan started crying too, until all three of them just sat there crying, holding hands like they would never let each other go, shouldering the sadness between them.

"I never wanted this to happen," Jeongin sobbed, gripping the other's hands firmly, "I'm sorry you, you all got caught up in my mess."

"Oh, Innie," now it was Felix's turn to speak, "we'll always be here for you. I mean-"

He stifled a half-sob.

"What are friends for, right?"

Jeongin looked down at his hands in dismay.

"Some friend I am. God, what did I do to deserve friends like this?"

"Stop, Innie," through silent tears, Chan laughed awkwardly, trying to lighten up the mood. "If you say it like that it sounds like we're the worst friends ever."

The three of them broke out laughing. Still sniffling, Jeongin tried to clear up the misunderstanding.

"No, wait, I meant-"

"Innie, you'll just dig yourself a hole," Felix said, laughing, wiping away his tears.

"Ok, Ok, I'll stop."

Their laughter didn't last long as they were cut off by a short knock at the door.

"Sorry to interrupt your session, boys," a new doctor had appeared in the doorway, "but we're going to need to check up on our patient. If you wouldn't mind..?"

Chris and Felix nodded swiftly before dashing dashing out the door.

'If you need us, scream,' Chan mouthed, giving a Jeongin a reassuring smile, and left.

"So," the doctor continued, "I'm sorry about what happened just now. The nurse you saw is a new employee - I hope you can forgive her."

"Oh, it's ok, I'm alright," Jeongin nodded in understanding. He clenched the tear-stained blanket in his fists ; that nurse was awful.

"I hope you're feeling better, Jeongin. We checked out your injuries while you were sleeping. Seems like you only suffered minor injuries to your back and head. Your chest is worse for wear. It might feel tender for a few weeks since you suffered heavy blows to your ribs. Your throat will feel the same."

The doctor sighed.

"Jeongin, are you sure you don't remember anything that happened? An attacker, of some sort?"

Just then Jeongin heard his phone ring with a notification. He looked at the doctor apologetically, who nodded in affirmation, before picking it up to check what it was.

================= JINNIE =================== 

2 NEW MESSAGES  
\----------------------- 1 SECOND AGO -----------------------

 **Jinnie:** I hope you learnt your lesson today. I'm sorry for what I did, but this was only to punish you for what you've done behind my back.

Jeongin took a deep breath before looking at the second message.

 **Jinnie:** Oh, and don't you dare tell anyone about what happened. I'm warning you, Innie. You're a smart kid, so I think you'll figure out what happens if you bring this up to anyone.

Damn. Well, that meant Jeongin's lips were sealed. As much as he wanted to tell someone about it, he didn't want to risk another beating from Hyunjin.

_'Of course, there's no justice in this world,' Jeongin grimaced, 'for me, at least.'_

He turned his phone off in dismay and looked back up at the doctor, smiling awkwardly.

"An attacker? Nah, and if there was one, I don't remember. Sorry I couldn't be more useful."

"No problem, Jeongin. I wish they put CCTV cameras everywhere so we could work out what happened to you. I guess this mystery will be left unsolved."

"Yeah, ahaha," Jeongin trailed off anxiously.

_'I guess they'll never know.'_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow look at me uploading when it hasn't even been a week yet!?  
> I felt motivated to write again after seeing your comments on the last chapter :') You guys give me so much motivation.  
> Hope this chapter wasn't too bad. I thought it was awful after reading through it once, but it's ok now (I think).  
> Feel free to leave comments! Thanks for reading!
> 
> Oh and I came up with a great plan for the next 2 chapters ;))) Please look forward to them!


	8. Nostalgia

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Beware! Very wholesome chapter coming up ;))

Jeongin stepped out of the hospital, inhaling the fresh air. The hospital had felt like a cell, keeping him locked inside, feeling so, suffocating. Jeongin was just relieved to be free from it all.

"Innie, what you thinkin' about?" Felix ran in front of him, gazing at him curiously.

"Just that, I'm happy, to have left that awful hospital room," Jeongin replied, "I felt like I was held captive in there, you know?"

"Yeah, I get what you mean," Chan laughed, eyes twinkling.

"Fair enough." 

Felix seemed satisfied with their answers so fell back into step next to Jeongin. The three of them walked in silence until they reached a familiar building. It was being torn down, bulldozers everywhere and structure half exposed the weather. The windows were non-existent and rubble blanketed the ground. There was no one to be seen, obviously, since it was dusk and any builders would have gone home by now. The air smelt musty and the whole area was covered in a thick layer of dust.

"Well, this is it."

Chan looked at the building, expression full of saudade. The old shopping mall was being replaced with a block of apartments, according to a poster slapped to a nearby lamp post. The light flickered, creating a tense atmosphere in the air. Felix cocked his head to one side, frowning.

"This is what exactly?"

"The shopping mall we used to go to as kids," Jeongin shoved Felix playfully, "Remember? You spilt your slushie down a shirt you were trying on once. Lucky my dad was there to pay for it since we were broke primary schoolers."

"AH!" Felix nodded in realization.

He then grinned so widely Jeongin was worried his cheeks might burst.

"Yeah, I remember now. Chan-Hyung got so pissed."

"Obviously," the older facepalmed," I can't believe you didn't even _at least_ try to clean it up. You just stood there looking like an idiot as we panicked and tried to stop the shop assistant from freaking out."

"Hey," Felix huffed, "I was immature then."

"You sure about that? You still seem pretty immature now."

"Oi," Felix laughed and punched Chan on the arm.

Chris pouted, then laughed as well and grabbed the two, pulling them close. He sighed contently, satisfied that neither of them had tried to wiggle out of his grip ; they'd attempted this a lot in the past.

"I missed this."

Felix fixed him with a questioning stare. Chan rolled his eyes before continuing.

"Missed the times when we used to hang out like this. Just the three of us."

"Yeah," Jeongin agreed, "I miss it too. It felt like this happiness was gonna last forever."

The three of them remained in an comfortable silence, staring nostalgically at the remains of the torn down building when suddenly, Jeongin and Chan heard a small sob. The two exchanged confused glances before looking at Felix. The aforementioned boy was holding his head in his hands, tears streaming down his cheeks.

"Felix..?"

"I- I'm okay," Felix choked through sobs, "it's just that, you guys!"

He gave up on trying to hold it all in and started full on crying. He pulled Chan and Jeongin into a tight hug, squeezing them so hard Jeongin could feel the air being forced out of him.

"Woah there, Lix, you alright?" Chan patted Felix's back comfortingly, looking down at the younger.

"Yeah, I'm fine," Felix spoke through muffled sobs, having buried his face in Chan's jumper. He sighed sorrowfully.

"It's just that, I completely forgot about all of this. I remember all the fun we had in that shopping mall. Too bad it's being torn down now."

Felix let out a half-stifled cry.

"It's like out childhood is being destroyed with it."

"That's not true!"

Felix and Chan looked up at Jeongin, confused. Jeongin took a deep breath.

"I mean, yes, the building is being torn down, but the memories we had in it will never fade! We'll never be able to visit it again, never see the same gacha machines Felix spent a good 40,000 won in, but the memories of it will still remain. And that's why it doesn't matter when the familiar scenery changes, when the paths we used to walk on are built over, because the memories and the nostalgia of it will always remain in our hearts."

"Wha-" 

Jeongin looked through his eyelashes at the others for any signs of affirmation. Instead Felix looked dumbfounded ; Chan was on the brink of tears. Jeongin started panicking.

"Wait, did I say something wrong? What did I do?"

Then Chan broke out into a smile, clapping Jeongin on the back.

"You said it, Innie. I never knew you had such a heart warming speech in you."

"Hey," Jeongin laughed, "I can be serious too sometimes."

"Yeah, you can," Felix snuggled closer to Jeongin, closing his eyes.

The other two awed at the cute boy, who was obviously comforted by Jeongin's words. They stayed like that, for a good 10 minutes, before Jeongin's legs started aching and he complained to Felix for being 'too clingy'. The three of them then walked home, stopping at the street corner where they waved goodbye to Chan, and Jeongin and Felix continued on their way back to their shared apartment.

"Uh, Lix-Hyung?"

"Yeah?"

"Did you tell the others about what happened to me?"

Felix stopped in his tracks, glancing down guiltily at his feet.

"Uhuh........"

"Oh."

Jeongin sighed in desperation, but patted Felix on the shoulder.

"It's fine. I sorta wanted them to know, anyway. Plus now Woojin-Hyung can't question my 'crippling back depression', can he?"

Felix smiled timidly, taking Jeongin's hand in his as they carried on their walk home. 

"I'm so glad you exist, Innie."

"What do you mean?"

"Like," Felix paused, taking a deep breath then continued, "like, you're so kind and pure. You're so fun to be around, you always make us smile. The others adore you, you know that?"

"You're joking."

Felix stared at Jeongin with 'are you kidding' written across his face.

"No, I'm actually not."

"I bet you are. I suck. I always bring everyone down with me, into my problems like I'm the only one that matters in this world. I have no consideration for how everyone else feels, just somehow manage to guilt trip everyone into solving my problems for me."

He felt his eyes watering and a few tears fell to the ground.

"I'm such a mess."

Felix gaped at him, clutching his hand and bringing it up to his chest.

"No, you're not. Sure, you're in a sticky situation right now, but that's nothing you can't solve. And, as one of your friends, it's my duty to stick by your side no matter what. And I'm sure the rest of our friends would agree."

"But- I feel bad for-"

"For what? For bringing us into your problems? Listen, Innie, you didn't do that. It's our choice whether to get involved or not. If I didn't want to help, I wouldn't even be talking to you about this right now. So just know, we're always here for you, Innie. No matter how broken you might feel."

Jeongin's mouth formed an O, and he brushed away any lingering tears with the back of his hand. His eyes turned up into little crescents. 

"Wow, thanks hyung."

Felix grinned so widely Jeongin could feel the sun's rays even though it was evening. The two walked in comfortable conversation back to their apartment where Woojin was waiting for their return.

***

Jeongin started sweating nervously when the two of them approached the door to their apartment. Felix's words from earlier had dissappeared and Jeongin's guilt had come creeping back.

_'What if Woojin yells at me? What if he gets really mad? I mean I don't blame him for it, but I'm scared of what he could do or say. I don't wanna knock on that door! What was I thinking?'_

The words circled Jeongin's head continuously, distress now showing on the outside. Felix noticed this and, as if giving him confidence, tightened his grip on Jeongin's hand.  
The younger offered Felix a small smile, took a deep breath and knocked on the door.

"Woojin-Hyung? Uh, you home?"

They heard a yell from the inside and a shuffle of, presumably a chair moving, and the door opened. Woojin stood there, breathless, his face morphing into a smile as relief washed over his face. They stood there, speechless, until Woojin pulled them into a hug.

"I'm so glad you're ok, Innie."

Jeongin sighed happily, burrowing his face into the older's jumper. 

"I'm just glad to be home."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Heh, I hope that was emotional for you. I didn't plan on writing a wholesome chapter but here you are anyway. I hope it's ok.  
> I've had so much spare time I'm literally a writing machine.  
> We didn't get to where I wanted this chapter to be, but that's fine. Besides, that would be too much to fit in one chapter  
> Some happy stuff before the angst ;))  
> Comments always appreciated ^^


	9. I'll deal with it by myself

Three boys sat round the dining table, eating dinner. An awkward silence had draped itself over them, the three not sure what to say. Jeongin shot a sideways glance at Felix. He was sitting there, biting his lip, eyebrows furrowed as it looked as if he was contemplating something. Another glance at Woojin confirmed that the other two were deep in thought. Jeongin sighed. It had been 2 tense weeks since his eventful meetup with Chan, and Jeongin thought that the curiosity of the events had passed, but clearly not.

_'Alright,' Jeongin stilled himself, 'if they ask today, just answer casually. Hopefully they won't pry into it.'_

He'd had the feeling that he'd been watched carefully the past weeks, but he'd tried to ignore it. Nothing really happened, anyway. Surprisingly, no one had asked what had happened that day. It was normal at school as well, handing in his homework on time, doing ok on the daily math tests, maintaining a respectful relationship with his teachers, and he hadn't even suffered a panic attack for a while. 

However, 2 things changed. He started going to the canteen but hanging out with other classmates, and catching the bus to school alone. This was different, as he'd always stuck close by Hyunjin's side before. Whenever he passed the older in the corridor he just kept his head low, or even turned around to walk the other way. He couldn't face him.

After a few days Hyunjin started noticing. How Jeongin would avoid his smiles, shrug his arm off his shoulder and duck into classrooms if he saw him in the corridor. It made him curious, since they'd always done everything together at school. He began suspecting was something off about the younger, but he decided to leave it. For a while, at least.

_back to dinner_

Jeongin hated this. The tense atmosphere over dinner. Feeling like you're about to be interrogated. He shook his head, trying to disperse of his thoughts and tried concentrating on eating his dinner. His knife made a high-pitched squeak as it scraped the plate, making the others cringe, a clatter as it was laid back down on the table. Finally, Woojin tried to start a conversation.

"So, Innie, how are you doing?"

"I'm ok," Jeongin spoke through mouthfuls of food. He was hoping this would be another uneventful dinner, where they'd only make small talk and resume whatever they were doing after dinner, no questions asked.

"Uh, we've been meaning to ask you," Woojin fixed him with a serious expression.

_'Spoke too soon.'_

"What exactly happened, you know, when you met up with Chan?"

Jeongin sighed, running his hands through his hair. 

"Oh, nothing much," he tried to ignore their questioning stares, stuffing food into his cheeks, "Met a girl called Kiyeon, met Chan-Hyung, ran into Kiyeon again, went to the arcade, woke up in the hospital." 

He cringed at how casual he made the last part sound even though no one normal would have gone through as much as he did in one day. He couldn't help but spare the details over what happened between the arcade and the hospital. If Woojin, Felix or any of him friends found out what ACTUALLY happened, it would probably cause them to go ballistic and just dive further into his mess. He couldn't let that happen.

"Wait."

Jeongin looked up from his plate, startled. 

_'Is he gonna ask me about how I ended up in the alleyway or something? Oh god, I gotta cover this up somehow.'_

"Who is this Kiyeon girl, anyway?"

_'Ah.'_

Jeongin breathed a sigh of relief. Obviously they'd be curious since he hadn't mentioned her to them after all that happened. And she _had_ randomly ran to Felix and Chan for help, despite only seeing them from a picture of the three together as Jeongin's lockscreen.

"Well," Jeongin scratched the back of his head awkwardly, "It's a long story. I don't know if you'd wanna hear all of it."

"We've got all evening." Woojin lent forward, chin resting on his hands.

Felix also gazed at the younger curiously, waiting for him to spill.

"Ok, then. If you're certain," Jeongin looked up at them through his eyelashes, "I'll start from the beginning.

"Basically, I was on my way to meet Chan-Hyung when I bumped into her. By bumped I mean literally. She sort of clung onto me, saying we should go on a date and stuff. Obviously I had to turn her down since I was meeting Chan-Hyung, but she insisted and started dragging me down the street. Then Hyunjin-Hyung rolled up in his car, probably on his way to his photo shoot, and basically told her to get lost." 

Jeongin looked down at his fingers, ignoring the piercing stares the others were drilling into him.

"After that, I met Chan-Hyung at the cafe. When I was leaving I ran into her again. She sort of flung herself onto me and then I was like 'hey, didn't think you'd approach me again after what happened'. She kind of went into a laughing fit and called Hyunjin a-" Jeongin took a deep breath before continuing, "a bitch."

"HAH!" Felix stood up from the table, triumphantly, "Serves him right!"

Woojin gave Felix a warning glance and the aforementioned boy sat back down sheepishly.

"Sorry, Innie. Please, continue."

"Anyway," Jeongin rolled his eyes, "I sorta got mad, cus like, you don't call my boyfriend a bitch, right? Like, sure she definitely got a bad impression of him since he basically told her to fuck off so I mean.. Anyway, then her 'so called friends' approached us and she started to crumble. They started making fun of her and stuff, and after they left I looked at her and she was, well, shaking and crying. That's when I realised the confident, clingy act she puts on is just a farce to try and make herself feel better and feel like she belongs in society. Obviously I kinda felt sorry for her so I agreed to let her take me to the arcade."

"Understandable," Woojin said, nodding his head, "But it's nice that you didn't still feel any hostility towards her after what happened that morning. I guess your flaw is giving people second chances too easily, Innie."

"Mm," Felix hummed in agreement, "but I get that. When someone's true personality is revealed, it's like starting all over again. It's like they're a complete stranger."

"Exactly."

Jeongin offered the two a small smile.

"So after that we went to the arcade and stuff. I don't really remember what happened after that, cus my mind's sorta fuzzy, but I do remember seeing her, Lix-Hyung and Chan-Hyung running towards me before I blacked out. Then I woke up in the hospital."

"Hmm," Felix was now staring intently at the younger, "you sure you don't remember _anything_ between the arcade and when you blacked out?"

"I- I think so."

Jeongin said it with a lack of confidence that even he couldn't convince himself. Felix and Woojin exchanged glances, before fixing their gazes back on Jeongin. He felt like the walls were caving in on him. He avoided their stares and fiddled with his belt, squirming uncomfortably in his seat.

"Not even something about, maybe, Hyunjin?"

"Wha-"

Jeongin looked back up, shock clear across his face. That's when Felix confirmed Jeongin had been lying. If someone looked as shocked as Jeongin did right now, it would confirm that the person being interrogated was lying. They don't expect you to find out, so they can't hide it.

"No, wait- I mean- no it has nothing to do with-"

Felix stared down at the younger, eyes narrowed. He looked slightly intimidating, making Jeongin stumble on his words.

"It- it has nothing to do with-"

"Of course it does," Felix concluded, straightening his posture, "if you could see the look on your face right now, even you'd think you'd been lying. Besides," Felix furrowed his eyebrows, "we all know Hyunjin's history of domestic violence with you. So it only makes sense."

_'Damn Felix for being so smart,' Jeongin grimaced, hiding his head in his hands._

He really didn't want them to find out. Especially after-

Jeongin suddenly shot up, eyes widening. He'd forgotten about the bloody text messages.

_'I think you'll figure out what happens_

_if you bring this up_

_to anyone'_

That- that stupid threat. The one from his boyfriend, telling him what would happen. If he went to anyone. For help. He'd been so caught up in trying to keep his friends out of the mess for their sake that he'd forgotten what would happen to HIM if they found out.

_'Shit.'_

"No, no, Hyung. You've got it all wrong." 

Jeongin tried his best at convincing the others, even though he knew it was pointless. They'd seen through him like a glass pane. His secrets were out in the open now, and there was nothing he could do about it.

"Honestly, Jeongin, you might as well admit it," Woojin sighed exasperatedly, "please, we can help you."

"You- you don't understand."

Jeongin clenched his fists in frustration. This was the last thing he wanted. For them to get roped in, and he definitely didn't want to get beaten up yet again over his carelessness.

"We'll understand if you just tell us what happened, Innie," Felix took his hands and held them softly.

There. Pity. Pity flooding Felix's eyes. Jeongin hated it. He hated being pitied on, he hated the thought of someone feeling sorry for him. Because, after all, he was the one who'd gotten them all caught up in this mess anyway. So he couldn't accept any sympathy, because it was his fault. His own responsibility and his own consequences to deal with.

"No, Felix," Jeongin yanked his hands out of his grasp harshly, "You won't. You can't help. Trust me."

"But we want to."

Woojin got up from his seat and placed a comforting hand on Jeongin's shoulder. 

_'No no no!'_

Jeongin jerked his shoulder away, fixing Woojin with a scrutinizing glare.

" **I don't need _your_ help.**"

Woojin flinched, taking his hand away. Then Felix stepped forward.

"Don't talk to us like that, please, Innie," he started.

"Oh, so now you're treating me like a kid? I'm not a kid, for fucks sake."

A fire was blazing in Jeongin's eyes and he could feel hateful words threatening to spilling out from him.

"I already told you, I don't need your help. I can handle this on my own. Do you not trust me or something?"

"Of course we do," Woojin tried, "we just want to understand-"

"BUT YOU WON'T. AND YOU NEVER WILL."

Felix grimaced, trying again.

"Innie, I want to understand. And I want to help you get through this. If you give us a chance, that is."

"No, Felix, no," Jeongin snapped, fixing him with an icy glare, "I'll deal with this alone. Give me some space, that's all I ask."

"But-"

"YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND ANYTHING, DO YOU? LEAVE ME ALONE. I DON'T NEED YOUR HELP."

Jeongin yelled so loud, leaving his throat feeling raw and his chest tender. The fact that he'd been hurt earlier didn't help but add to the pain. Felix flinched and took a step back.

"Ok, but if you need us-" he stumbled on the last words, eyes brimming with tears, "we're always here for you."

Felix ran out of the room, sobbing quietly, trying to wipe the tears from his eyes as he fled. Woojin gave Jeongin a broken smile before following after Felix, leaving Jeongin in the room. Alone. Jeongin put his head in his hands, guilty over what he'd just done. He felt like apologizing, but part of him knew that if he tried it'd probably come out in a string of jumbled letters. 

"ARGH!"

The boy screamed with rage, frustration boiling out of him. His anger exploded like a burst pipe, spilling everywhere. He smashed vases, tore down the photos off of the wall, flipped over the table in a blind fury. He couldn't control himself. After his outburst he collapsed onto the sofa, breathless. He took a look at the wreckage he caused, and closed his eyes, hoping this was all a dream and the room would go back to normal after he woke up. When he opened his eyes to the same sorry sight, he screamed in frustration and stumbled uncontrollably to his room, slamming the door behind him. He sat on his bed, tearing his hair out in anger, angry at himself, that he'd let himself be controlled by his anger. He sat there for a while, and after coming to his senses, started hearing muffled words from Felix's room.

"Should we go comfort him?"

"No, give him time to calm down."

That sounded like Woojin.

"Ok. I just wish he'd told us what actually happened so we could help."

Jeongin gritted his teeth in frustration.

"Same. Reckon we should ask Chan for help?"

"No, I think that'd add to his stress. I think we should talk him into seeing a professional therapist. This is getting out of hand."

_'What, making my decisions for me? Who do they think they are?'_

Jeongin stood up, back to the wall. He slammed his fist against it, causing the two on the other side to jump.

"I told you guys," he growled, "I don't **NEED YOUR HELP.** "

Jeongin found himself standing, then running out of the house, shutting the door with a bang. He didn't know where he was running to, just anywhere to escape that prison of a house. The rain drenched him as he ran, shocking his system. It was sort of refreshing, being in the rain. It was like a wake up call, shocking him back into the harsh reality of his actions, what he'd just done, how he'd left him friends like that.

He walked through the rain, almost feeling sorry for himself. The raindrops slammed down on him, like tiny bullets wanting to pierce his skin. Above him, the clouds swirled, an angry grey colour covering the sky. He found it hard to run since his body was being weighed down by his soaked clothes. So he slowed down, walking alone down the street in a sad trance. The streetlights glowed a soft yellow, shops dark as they'd closed for the day. There were no cars in sight - no one would be crazy enough to even consider stepping outside. He walked with his head down, staring guilty at the ground, and then bumped into someone. He lifted his head to see who it was, and _is that Changbin-Hyung?_

"Changbin-Hyung? Is that you?"

Changbin stared at him, and smiled. Except, there was no emotion. It's like he was a blank slate, eyes filled with emptiness.

"Changbin-Hyung? Are you-"

Jeongin was cut off by a blow to the head, crumpling onto the street. He saw Changbin gazing down at him, amusement in his eyes as his surroundings slowly faded from his vision.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kekeke, sorry to leave you on a cliffhanger. I've already written out the plot for the next chapter, gonna be very IntErEstiNG.  
> So Jeongin turned into a hot mess. Don't worry, things will get better (I think).  
> I was gonna post this yesterday then I thought "This fanfic has only happened over 2 days, wtf" so I decided to extend it by 2 weeks cus like, that's such a short time, ya know?  
> UUhhhh comments are, as always, appreciated.
> 
> Thank you for reading!


	10. Warehouse

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> !!TW!! Physical Abuse

_’Where the fuck am I?’_

The boy had woken up in an empty warehouse. He could barely make out anything – the only light came from the moon; soft light filtering in through the couple slits in the roof. It shone down directly onto his body, illuminating a small area around him. Rain clattered against the ceiling, rattling heavily on the tin roof, sounding like gun fire. A few drops made it in, forming random, scattered puddles on the concrete floor. The rest of the room was black. Jeongin guessed he was alone.

He tried to move, get up, with no avail. After glancing down at his body, he realized he was roped to a wooden chair. His wrists and legs were also bound.

_'What the. This better be some kind of joke.'_

The boy started panicking. He racked his brain for potential answers only to have one thought appear in his mind.

_’Those texts,’ Jeongin bit his lip, ‘I bet that what this is about.’_

In his head, Jeongin had come to that conclusion rather calmly, surprising himself. Then it dawned on him.

_’Hold on._

_Those texts._

_From.’_

“Hyunjin.”

The boy breathed out the name shallowly.

_’Oh shit.’_

A wave of alarm suddenly washed over him. He started thrashing around, uncontrollably, trying anything to escape. He tried screaming, shouting, only for it to echo back at him in the lonely warehouse. Then, out of the corner of his eye, he saw something move in the shadows. Slightly worried, the boy decided it was his only chance of help, so he called out into the darkness.

“Is anyone there?”

He spoke softly so he didn’t pose a threat. He waited for a minute, then 2, and after 4 decided it was a lost cause. The boy hung his head glumly. No one was there.

Then slowly, someone emerged from the shadows. At first, Jeongin couldn’t tell who it was due to the lack of light, but as they got closer he recognized the hunched over stance, the black, tousled hair.

“Changbin-hyung?”

The older stared back at him, hands in his pockets, eyes empty.

“Why am I here? I’m so... confused.”

Then suddenly, he saw someone else approach them. Someone with a menacing glare, walking with purpose, chin up. Jeongin’s breath hitched in his throat. Hyunjin appeared next to Changbin, slinging an arm lousily around his shoulder. There was something different about him. Something in his eyes Jeongin never thought he’d see.

_’Bloodlust.’_

“Heya, Jeongin,” Hyunjin regarded him rather casually, “I see you’re doing ok.”

“Ok?” Jeongin scoffed, “You knocked me out and brought me to an empty warehouse. You bound my legs and body to a chair so I couldn’t escape. Of course I’m ok.”

Hyunjin’s left eye twitched in annoyance.

“I bet you're wondering why you're here.”

Jeongin sighed.

"Hey, it's not everyday you get hauled off to a random warehouse. So yeah, I kinda wanna know, **what the hell is going on**."

Hyujin looked taken aback for a sec. Jeongin gave him a weird stare before realising.

_'What the heck did I just say? Did I really just...' the thought was almost peculiar to him, 'stand up to Hyunjin?'_

The older started taking heavy steps towards him.

"Hey, now," Jeongin tried to reason with him, "I don't know what I was saying, I was just-"

Hyunjin swung his fist towards Jeongin’s head. Jeongin barely ducked it, but wasn’t ready for the kick to his chest that sent him flying across the room.

“ARGH!”

The younger landed with a clatter a few meters away from where he’d sat. His chest throbbed with pain and his ribs felt like they were going to snap (again).

“Stand,” Hyunjin commanded.

_'What the hell-'_

Jeongin lay there helplessly on the floor, still bound to the chair. How the fuck was he meant to get up.

“STAND.”

Jeongin breathed a sigh of annoyance.

“Listen here, bitch. How in the **ever-loving fuck** am I meant to stand up? I’m strapped to a fucking chair for gods sake.”

The boy looked completely unaffected. He then proceeded to stroll over to Jeongin, and crouched down, fixing him with a piercing glare.

“Stand when I tell you to, whether you can or not.”

_'Jeez, this guy.'_

“Woah, hold up, you mean physically right? Cus like, I mean, I don’t really know if you can tell, but it’s kinda impossi- urk!“

Jeongin was cut off by two hands that wrapped around his neck, lifting him high into the air, dangling helplessly. He was choking.

“I don’t know where you suddenly got this attitude from, but I don’t like it one bit,” Hyunjin growled, hands tightening around Jeongin’s throat.

*COUGH COUGH*

*GASP*

A few strangled noises escaped Jeongin’s throat as he dangled mid-air. He was losing oxygen rapidly.

“Just kidding.”

Suddenly, Hyunjin let go, and Jeongin crashed back down onto the concrete. Jeongin groaned with pain as he hit the floor. His body ached all over. His throat felt raw and this time he was sure he couldn’t even speak. Hyunjin’s lip curled up into a smile.

“Of course,” he shrugged his shoulders carelessly, “I’m not _that_ cruel, Innie. Plus,”

He paused, looking Jeongin in the eye.

“You _are_ my boyfriend, after all.”

_'Wha-'_

Jeongin broke out into a raspy laugh, chest heaving. Hyunjin looked taken aback. He even stepped backwards a few paces. 

“The fuck are you laughing at?”

Tears of laughter crowded the corners of Jeongin’s crescent eyes. He rolled his eyes in amusement before fixing Hyunjin with a mocking expression.

“Who would wanna be _your_ boyfriend?”

"..WHAT?!"

Hyunjin's eyes filled with rage and his posture grew larger, towering over the boy. 

“I dare you to say that again.”

It went silent. It was like a standoff, Hyunjin glowering at Jeongin and Jeongin staring defiantly back. After a few seconds, Hyunjin scoffed, turning his back to him.

“Jeez, I really wonder when you suddenly got so cocky. I bet,” Hyunjin spat onto the floor next to him, “it was those pests, those stupid people you seem to call your  
'friends'?”

“What did you just say?”

Puzzled, Hyunjin cocked his head to one side, staring at Jeongin with amusement in his eyes. Then he let out a wild laugh, throwing his head back.

"What's so funny?"

"That- that you-" Hyunjin heaved through laughs, "you're actually friends with those pieces of _shit_. Like, they're always tryna get involved in your drama and personal life. Invasive much."

"Well, that's.."

Jeongin casted his head down, thinking about Felix and Woojin who were probably worried out of their minds right now. Felix was probably running through the streets shouting his name and Woojin would be calling all their friends and family to find his whereabouts. He bit his lip.

"That's not true. Like, I get why they're so worried. It's because of me. I'm always running into trouble and they're always there to get me out of it. Even when," Jeongin clenched his hands into fists, "even when there's something that seems so impossible to solve, they're always there to guide me through it."

The boy didn't realise but glistening tears were rolling down his cheek. Hyunjin looked over in disgust, miming gagging.

"Hear that, Changbin-hyung?" he scoffed, motioning to Changbin who stood as still as a statue next to him. 

His face was emotionless, like a statue. Then he took a few steps forward, towards where the youngest was still seated.

"Jeongin," he said carefully, "do you know why I'm here?"

* _shinnngg_ *

Suddenly, Jeongin felt a blade of fear run through him. He froze. He didn't know why, but he could sense something terrifying about Changbin. Something about his aura, or something about the way he so easily reduced Jeongin to shreds. His eyes slowly drifted down to his hands. They were shaking uncontrollably. He looked back up at Changbin, whose eyes glowered with a burning hatred. 

_'What? What's going on? The Changbin-hyung I know isn't like this. Why is he doing this to me?'_

"Why, did you ask?"

Jeongin shot up with astonishment.

"Wha, how did you-?"

"I can hear your thoughts," Changbin continued, "Your mind is spiralling into a mess. Wild thoughts are running through your head, like 'What's wrong with him?' and 'Why is this happening to me?'"

Jeongin's mouth fell open. Changbin had read him like an open book.

_'How did he do that? I should probably try to control my thoughts next time if this is gonna happen.'_

"So anyway," Changbin cracked his knuckles, straightening his neck. 

He spat onto the floor next to him, wiping his mouth with the back of his hand.

"You've done a lot wrong, Jeongin. Enough to make me not be able to turn a blind eye to this whole situation."

He took a deep breath.

"Hand over Felix."

....

....

"WHAT?!"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Was that too much again? I'm sorryyy, there's so much violence in these past few chapters.  
> Wow, look who finally updated. Sorry for the hiatus, I was overloaded with so much homework it was hard to find time to write :/  
> I hope this chapter is ok.  
> Is everyone confused about Changbin? Argh I have no idea.  
> Kinda wanna rewrite this.  
> Kudos and comments appreciated!


	11. Please read!

I’ve decided to restart this fanfic, I’m sorry for everyone waiting for a new chapter. I can’t take it at the moment, and hopefully you’ll support the new version. I just feel like the storyline and everything in here was so bad, the description, the climax, the personalities and events. So if you gave me a chance to rewrite it, I’d be so grateful. I know not many people are reading this fanfic, but for anyone who was reading, I’m really sorry. The new version will hopefully come soon when my life calms down. I’ll see you there

Raen


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